Crazy Keith's Corner: Back to the Future, Again

Okay, I lied. I watched today's game. Both of them, actually, while doing layout on Zisk # 15. First, the negative:

1) Jose Reyes. Not running out that chopper was moronic. He needs a bit of an attitude adjustment.

2) Lastings Milledge. See # 1.

3) Tim McCarver. Well, duh.

Then the positive:

1) John Maine. Wow.

2) The offense. Wow

3) The brawl. Passion on the field? Who would have thunk it?

This game felt like I had take a trip back in time to last year. I was doing Zisk on a beauty of a fall day, there was great baseball on the work TV and Ralph Kiner was once again amazing in the booth.

Gary: In the mind set of changing things up, we welcome Ralph Kiner into the booth now [in the 2nd].
Ralph: I'm about ready to fire you guys. It's tough watching them lose.

Classic. And Kiner didn't hold any punches back in strongly criticizing the unnamed Mets player who said it would be less pressure on the team playing before the Phillies because they wouldn't be able scoreboard watch. His disgust at Reyes not running out that chopper was amazing to hear as well.

Oh, and Keith and Ron are in prime form too...

--Don't disgust us
(During the pre-brawl bench clearing, SNY cameras captured Jose Reyes walking back to second.)
Gary: There's Jose Reyes and Matt Lidstrom, old minor league teammates, sharing pleasantries.
Keith: That's wonderful. Take him out to lunch.
Ron: Jesus.

--I'm King Keith!
(SNY shows some various signs in the Shea stands)
Ron: We've got to find the one that said "Keith for President."
Gary: No, I think he wants to be king.
Ron: Emperor.
Keith: Congress wouldn't stand a chance with me in there.

--Keith is down with the ballpark sounds
(That WAY overplayed "everybody clap your hands" song is played, again)
Keith: Shake it up y'all.
Gary: You didn't clap your hands.

So does one game make up for four months of passion-less bullshit? No. But has my faith been renewed a tiny bit? Yes. Today this looked like the team I grew to love last year. Maybe they really needed to be challenged, who knows. So I think I might forgo my trip to the Antic, wear as much lucky Mets gear as I own and sit at home and flip between both games.

Whew. Its been a long 161 games.

A Picture Says a 1000 Curse Words

I hope this "talented" team has fun being "bored" in the off-season. You deserve every blasting you get on WFAN.

And How the Hell did I Forget to Post this Article Earlier Today?

Alright, one more thing to piss you and me off: This piece in the New York Observer sums up what we Mets fans have known for months now -- this team is full of themselves and felt "bored" by the regular season.

I mean, how about these for some pull quotes:

“We have so much talent that sometimes we relax a little bit and then we get ourselves in trouble” -- Pedro Martinez

“Sometimes when you’re a team as talented as we are—I don’t know if I’d use the word ‘bored,’ but I guess you can get complacent sometimes. You don’t pay attention to details every now and then because you do have a ton of talent and think you can on most days do everything you wanna do.” --Tom Glavine

When two sure fire Hall of Famers say this, you know your team is toast.

Again, if they don't care, why should I? I'd like to close by featuring a damning line from my friend Jason at FAFIF, who is as big as a Mets fan as I know on this planet:

"If the Mets somehow cheat the hangman, what then? Don't tell me about the 2005 Chicago White Sox and the 2006 St. Louis Cardinals, because I don't want to hear it. I want to hear why on earth I should give a fuck about the 2007 New York Mets. Because there's far too much evidence that the 2007 New York Mets themselves do not. "

True 'dat. Now I can catch upon those DVDs piling up next to my remotes.

Crazy Keith's Corner: One is the Lonliest Number...

Tonight's latest debacle was the last game of the season I'll be able to watch with the sound on. Thursday I have a birthday party, Friday I'm going to a gig with some friends, Saturday I have plans and Sunday is the Atlantic Antic. And I must admit, I'm kind of relieved. I won't have to worry about keeping notes anymore while I want to stab the TV after watching Mel Rojas impersonator after Mel Rojas impersonator come into each game the past 2 months. Its like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

And you know what, I think Keith feels that way too:
(When the upcoming schedule came upon the screen, Gary started laughing when he noticed that next Tuesday said "SNY Staff meeting")
Keith: I'll be in Richmond by then
Gary: Keith will be visiting Civil War sights by then.
(Then Gary says he and Ron hatched an idea for a new SNY show, which they haven't brought up to their bosses yet)
Gary: Keith, we think a great show would be to send a camera crew on your drive down to Florida.
Ron: Just make sure the camera crew is there one minute after the game ends on Sunday.

I might check in again before the regular season ends, but what's the use? How much more angst and anger in print (or better put, webpage) needs to be spilled? Its been so bad this month that my co-blogger has been stunned into silence (well, there's that, and the fact that school started up again). This 2007 team has been a mediocre club since late May and doesn't deserve to sully the postseason with their presence. Good luck to our neighbors down South (and to my friends and Phillies fans Hank and Dave and Moria) against Arizona. Let's hope you don't have another Mitch Williams lurking in Brett Myers.

We're Not the Only Ones Who Realize How Lucky We Have It

ESPN's Jeff Pearlman notices the greatness in the SNY booth as well.

Crazy Keith's Corner: Sharpen Those Pencils...

...and please stab me in the jugular with one of them:

(There was a slight pause between Gary, Keith and Ron)
Gary: That pencil sharpener is so loud.
Keith: I've got my cough button on.
Ron: I think we all need to have our cough buttons on.
Gary: I think they could hear that in the upper deck.

I'm sure the upper deck could hear me getting pissed off--and then shocked when I yelled "Get out" when Chipper Jones crushed a ball against the Phillies.

Yes, I cheered for Larry. That's how bad things have gotten with a magic number of four and a 2 game lead.

Seriously, where's that pencil...

Crazy Keith's Corner: He's Angry--Are You?

Out of the past four games (3 excruciating wins, tonight's "I knew I could turn it off when Mota came in" loss) I've only caught one (Sunday) with Keith in the booth. And he was pissed. Yet he seemed pissed at the way the Marlins were playing, when he should have been more critical of the Mets. It was mind-boggling...

(A ball is hit to the left side of the infield, the runner gets on, and CW11 shows a replay)
Keith: Where's Miguel Cabrera? Napping in his rocking chair.

See? At that was only one example out of at least five I was able to write down. At least Mex had a reason:

Gary: Let me say this--you're really angry today.
Keith: I've been testy. It's been a long year. I didn't get a nap in yesterday.
Gary: There was that movie 12 Angry Men--you are the One Angry Man today.

So with the lead at 2 games and a magic number of 5, the math is simple. If the Phillies go 4-2 the rest of the week (which seems very likely) the Mets need to play .500--yes, 3 and 3--to win the division. They would likely play the getting hot Cubs. But the way September has gone, that's really getting ahead of ourselves.

Upon Further Review

I was going to write a lengty diatribe this morning, but then I read what Greg at Faith and Fear in Flushing penned and posted at 5:30 a.m and I realized he said it all perfectly. This is the line that sums up all my feelings:

"My heart is not broken because this 2007 Mets club seems incapable of breaking it. You have to be in love, or at least think you're in love, to have your heart broken. "

I'll still root for them, and hope they make the playoffs, but I just don't like this team. Not at all. Its 2003 (or pick any other year) all over again.

You Have Got to...

...be fucking kidding me.

Crazy Keith's Corner: We'll Have A Butch Old Time

Here's something I never thought I'd write after last year:
Thank you Yadier F. Molina, Adam Wainwright and Miguel Cairo. 2 1/2 games up seems a little bit better.

And Keith got a haircut, which unleashed the old school in him last night...

--Keith wants Mike Pelfrey to pitch deeper into games:
Keith: He's a young guy, let him throw.
Gary: When he gets to 100 pitches in this game, he won't go farther.
Keith: (sigh) No comment

--Keith's short haircut goes by a different name now:
Keith: It's politically incorrect to call it a butch.

--Keith might like to wake n' bake
(Ron Darling calls Gary during the telecast. Keith says Ron's out in California so he can watch the game at 6:30 and then go out to dinner.)
Keith: In Hawaii football games start at 7:00 a.m.
Gary: That's way too early.
Keith: It's perfect--a little bloody mary by the pool.
Gary: You know how to live my friend, you know how to live.

Come on Glavine and Pedro! I'll be rooting at the bar tonight and tomorrow night.

Crazy Keith's Corner: I Came Back for THIS?

This exchange from last night sums up the Mets play while I was on vacation:

Gary: What is it you always say, "Don't put your head in the oven?"

Keith: Nope, not yet.

Gary: Um, when can Mets fans put their heads in the oven?

Hmmm, how about now Keith?

Maybe I should go back to Austin so I don't have to witness this collapse. Also, I'm not surprised at all with a 5 game losing streak. Anyone that has watched this team play can see its consistent in being inconsistent. Only the 2003 team underachieved more in the past decade.

That being said, they could go on another tear and streak through the playoffs. Who knows?

I found myself watching last night's game with some detached amusement, like I wanted to see how they could blow it. I'm sure I'll have that feeling the rest of the season, whether it be 12 games or longer.

Crazy Keith's Corner: Flat Tires, Non-Flat Team

Sorry for the lack of posting the past two days, but work duties forced me to miss Saturday and Sunday's games. Last night seemed like yet another run of the mill night for Keith, except for his claim that people strain their oblique muscles because they do sit-ups ("I never did a sit-up in my life"). Gary -- like many times over the past two months -- tried egging him on to even more absurd heights to no avail. And the opening where Keith just made it to the booth because he had to change a flat tire was pretty fantastic. Alas, I left my Keith notebook at home so I don't have the complete transcription.

I also wanted to say that this would be my last post for a week--I'm off for vacation in the land of breakfast tacos, tremendous BBQ and great tunes (even though today's White Stripes cancellation is a bummer, there's still a lot to see). I hope by the time I return to the Zisk blog, the magic number will be down to 8.

Haiku: Shaken 'n' Stirred

Early leaks are plugged
A tail sail catches much wind
Doo doo a do do

Crazy Keith's Corner: I Guess It Was an Off Night, Sort of

I only caught about 3 1/2 innings and Keith didn't say anything really bizarre. After this week's performance, I guess a slow night should be expected. All I learned is that Keith is battling clover in his lawn, which seems positively mundane.

Crazy Keith's Corner: Last Night's Leftovers

Well, that was fun while it lasted. But all is not lost, thanks to our enemy who is our friend when they're playing a closer enemy.

At least we still have some fun from last night's game to ponder--and that's without Keith's talk about the Reds cheerleaders, the weight gain of SNY's P.R. person, minor league quality baseball in Great American Park and describing a play with a mouthful of ice cream...

--Keith will bribe a Nielsen family if need be
Keith: A game like this, I'm sure we're racking up the ratings.

--Keith likes his coffee, with an extra shot
(Keith talked about meeting some Mets fans while he was attempting to have his morning coffee at the team's hotel, which lead to this exchange during a pitching change)
Gary: Keith talked about going down for a coffee in the morning, so here's a Venti, Todd Coffey.
Keith: Wow, he's like three extra shots [of espresso].

--Keith is alert, Part 1
Keith: There's a bunch of Red players asleep on the field.
Gary: Good thing we're alert.
Keith: That's because I'm in a reposed position.

--Keith is alert, Part 2
Keith: (Sigh)
Gary: You tired.
Keith: No.
Gary: I thought we needed to get you a cot.
Keith: No, I'm standing up now.

--Keith is bored, Part 1
Gary: And Ruben Gotay walks on the 10th pitch of that at bat.
Keith: Lord, have mercy.

--Keith is bored, Part 2
Gary: I think we have reached the point where Keith needs to be entertained.
(SNY camera shows Keith spinning around on a chair in the booth.)
Gary: He looks like a kid at a luncheonette on that thing!

--Gary and Keith enjoy literature
(After a couple of cracks about getting text messages in the booth, they spring this upon us)
Gary: This game is reading longer than Beowulf.
Keith: Grendel, please come down and devour this field.
Gary: My friend texted me and said he'd give me five bucks if I got Beowulf into the telecast.

(Which lead into a whole discussion of Beowulf and Keith reading it as a high schooler, but I couldn't write it all down because my London broil needed to be flipped over.)

Again, wow. Keith is doing the rest of the games for the season (except the FOX ones) so we're got about 20 games of fun left.

Crazy's Keith's Corner: You Ran Out of Red Markers...

...Keith, but I went to the end of my notebook jotting down stuff about this 3 hour and 30 minutes of your genius. At the beginning of the post-game Matt Yaloff said, "You won't see this on an instant classic." I disagree. Sure, it wasn't the highest quality game, but the amount of absurdity from the SNY booth was immense. And classic. I really wish I hadn't held back until after my vacation to get the DVR.

I'd write it all down tonight, but it's too much after a night of restless sleep. (Who or what was that screeching in my backyard that woke me up when I had only been asleep for 45 minutes last night? Huh?) Let me just mention the references I didn't get a chance to jot down fully because I was in the middle of cooking: Archie Bell and the Drells; Deep Purple's "Smoke on the Water;" cigarettes = "heaters;" the bullpen camera looking like a 7-11 security camera; and the cast of characters on Underdog, which neither Keith and Gary saw the live action version of, but Gary's love of the superhero was strong enough to make him say, "You just can't make Underdog a real dog."

Wow.

Tomorrow I hope to get the rest up before the midday game starts at 12:30.

Crazy indeed.

Haiku: The Honeydrippers - Vol. 1

Ten runs for the chief
Five innings of thrill
Watch close the Phills

Crazy Keith's Corner: Sharks, Pedro & 7-11

To paraphrase Feist, "1,2,3,4, tell me that you'll win some more." A five game winning streak would be nice and a first for this season. It would also makes sense if this team lost their next three in a row.

Maybe the return of Pedro means all the world to this team. Who knows? I've given up trying to figure them out. Thankfully we have Keith at these games to talk about Coney Island and oral sex.

(One more Pedro note before we get to the Keith highlights: I don't think I've ever heard a pitcher thank so may people after going through rehab. He sounded genuine when even talking about the minor leaguers he faced. It was a pretty classy post-game speech to these ears.)

--Keith is concerned for Mr. Red
(Mr. Red is prominently displayed behind home plate, inspiring this discussion.)
Gary: Have they thought about some orthodonture for Mr. Red?
Keith: Has he got any tonsils in there?

--Keith likes Pedro's comeback
Keith: He just has a little more than the average bear.

--Keith watches the news on the road
Keith: Did you see the sharks at Coney Island?
Gary: Well, there's always been sharks at Coney Island
Keith: There was one that was six feet long--and they even got footage of it.
Gary: You mean footage of the ones in the water.
Keith: Ah, yes. But I was amazed. I didn't need a coffee after I saw that.

--Keith and Gary have dirty minds
Gary: The new Reds pitcher is Jon Coutlangus.
Keith: Oh, oh, yeah. We mean it with that name.
Gary: Yes, it's very carefully pronounced.
Keith: That's a tongue twister, isn't it?
(10 seconds of silence)